At Mento, the 80/20 principle is about keeping the Member at the center of the work. It doesn’t mean withholding perspective, it means trusting that sustainable growth happens when they build confidence in their own thinking, not ours.
When a Member asks for “more 20”—more direction, advice, or input—it’s a moment to strengthen your frame as a coach. Often, this request comes from uncertainty about the process or a desire for someone else to take the lead. Your job is to hold the space with enough clarity and partnership to help them step back into agency.
Here’s how to approach it:
1. Re-contract the partnership
A Member asking for more is an opportunity to realign on what coaching is—and isn’t. You can say:
- “It sounds like you’re looking for me to play a more directive role here. Coaching is a little different from mentoring or advising. My role isn’t to give answers but to help you surface your own thinking so you can move forward with clarity and confidence.”
- “Would it be helpful if we paused for a moment to talk about the kind of support that would serve you best right now?”
This re-contracting reinforces the purpose of coaching and invites them to stay in ownership.
2. Define the distinctions
Sometimes Members don’t know the difference between coaching, mentoring, advising, or therapy. You can offer a quick framing:
- “A mentor shares their experience to guide you. An advisor gives recommendations. A therapist helps you process emotions and past experiences. As your coach, I’m here to help you think deeply and strategically so you can make decisions that feel fully your own.”
3. Offer a little, then pivot back
If you sense they’re stuck and a nudge would help, keep it brief and return the focus to them:
- “Here’s one perspective—where does that take your thinking?”
- “I can share a few themes I’m noticing, but let’s make sure it’s aligned with where you want to go. What feels true for you?”
This helps you avoid becoming the expert in the room while still meeting them where they are.
4. Hold the container with confidence
Members test the edges of the coaching container when they’re uncertain. The most powerful move you can make is to stay steady.
- “It’s natural to want answers when things feel unclear. What’s the real decision or shift you’d love to feel confident about by the end of our time today?”
- “If you knew you had the answer within you, what might it be?”
This doesn’t mean leaving them unsupported—it means resisting the pull to fix and trusting the process to do the heavy lifting.